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I’ve made no secret about the fact that I voted Green Party in the General Election, so much so that Gareth Thomas gave an oddly strange look to my mother which most likely said “You had better keep an eye on him,” despite the fact that I’m 18 and finally free. But many people are starting to ask me “If I care too much for the environment” to which I reply “Have you had breakfast yet?”

But it is a valid and sensible question which requires a valid and sensible answer. Most people who know me (that is to say nobody) know that I can be quite obsessive-compulsive but a bit too easy-going at times. I like to know where everything of mine is: games, books, videos, items, random pieces of paper that are coursework but look like I’ve just doodled on. Ask me where anything is and I could give you an exact pinpoint location of where it should be, or more accurately where it was, because my family will have, moved it, destroyed it, thrown it away or in the case of my mother “put it away safely so no one can find it”!

Even though knowing where all my stuff is, I demand that nobody touch anything that is tidied up or in an organised mess, because even if I’ve left bits of paper all over the floor, which I usually do, I know exactly which order it is in. You contaminate it in any way and my mind goes bonkers.

This hasn’t got to do with the fact that I am environmentally stable, but more to the point that I am stupidly clean. Hell, I appreciate the unnecessary amount of work my mom does just to clean the damn toilet because once again, my brother has terrible aim (to any men reading this if you do have terrible aim, sit down on the toilet seat). I hate anything untidy or unclean, I have a friend who has a small bedroom with fag ends, used clothes and bits of dust strewn all over, buts what’s the bin used for? Storing the unexplainable amount of used Budweiser bottles! So I proved to the world and I that me being environmentally friendly isn’t environmentally friendly at all, it’s just keeping everything neat and tidy!

I love nature, I love how it being wonderfully beautiful and at the same hideously violent. I like the way tall grass keeps a bit of moisture, so if you decide to roll in it you get wet. I like the way the waterfalls crash as you figure out that over time is making a brand new contour. I like the sea and the almost infinite varied volume of stuff it has in it. And I love the Aurora Borealis, that completely unexplainable beautiful array of lights and prove not only that God doesn’t exist, but that science can’t prove everything. And I hate to see that stuff ruined.

But what most people don’t seem to get is that even without mankind there will still be this thing called global warming, all we’ve done is accelerate it a little bit. The way I see it is that nature is a young child you love and care for, you maintain it properly and it’ll give back endless amount of love and use, but no matter how you maintain it there will always be problem. You will always have to pick up the debris it’s left behind after it tries spinning and manages to destroy almost everything, and you will always have to protect it from itself by making sure you feed it and make sure it has a shit. The world is changing and people won’t get used to the fact that it probably wasn’t our fault, it was an accident in the first place and we just have to deal with it.

You see, the world will destroy and take care of itself, just like when your child becomes a teenager, so what we need to do is to tidy the place up a bit. And don’t be wasteful, and even though that’s my mantra, it should be everybody’s mantra. Our life on Earth is limited, so it makes sense to use much of it as possible, there isn’t any point buying a guitar and not using it,  just as there isn’t any point in being born and not using the life that your mother laboured for. So there is little sense in punishing people for it. There is no point buying something “green” if it doesn’t work, it probably would have made more sense to buy nothing. There is no point in going out of your way just to make the world a better place to live, because it is in fact the little things like not being utterly stupid that actually decrease the amount of waste you give off, like don’t leave the water running, or instead of watching the six hours of “Two and a Half Men” that’s shown every fucking day, turn off the television and read a book. Have you read “The Da Vinci Code”? No? Because it is as boring and stupid as “Two and a Half Men”.

Being stupidly wasteful, or berating others because you do nothing but think of the future counts as terrorism in my book. Because terrorists are just angry, stupid and uniformed gits who think they are doing the world good, but are actually making it worse. Do you know what I would do to terrorists? I would lock them up somewhere underwater and hope that they die of boredom. Terrorism and stupid conflict is what is ruining this world in the first place. Terrorism causes buildings to fall, and trains to catch on fire and people to die. Think about much waste that is. Rubber and metal and tissue and organs and plastic, all of which took years to make into perfection and you had to go and destroy it, because you made a stupid uniformed decision.

All you have to do is enjoy your life A BIT, and tidy up after yourself A BIT, the key to doing the world good is balance, and the world can sort itself out so you don’t have to, but abuse of it and it’ll bite you in the ass.

So be reasonable, and if you don’t want to, I hope that something locks you up under the sea, and in the thirty years you take to decompose, I’ll grow older, and someday I hope I’m feeding you to my children for breakfast!


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